“I don’t care if you named them 'The Pointer Sisters,' get them off my deck! I have a date coming over in twenty minutes and ‘Death by Nature’ isn't the vibe I’m going for.”

She swept into the living room, smelling of Chanel No. 5 and cold ambition. She didn't even look at her sons. She walked straight to the glass door, locked eyes with the giant bird, and tapped on the pane with a manicured nail.

“It’s a majestic creature of the sky, Charlie! And the spider is just a misunderstood arachnid,” Alan chirped, adjusting his beige windbreaker. “Besides, I’ve named the bird 'Freedom' and the spider 'Leggsy.'”